Well slather me in cookie butter and roll me in Everything But the Bagel Spice, because 2021 is HERE and so is a ton of new stuff at Trader Joe’s. Including the hottest, spiciest product they’ve ever sold. Intrigued yet? I have heartburn! It’s crazy how the years keep coming, presidents change, pandemics rage, and Trader Joe’s manages to find a new way to season nuts. Let’s embark on this journey together, forever.
Hatch Chile Chicken Wraps
Pop one of these hexagons into the oven and your lunch can be a crispy, somewhat dry flour tortilla containing a few tender bites of almost-spicy chicken, black beans, and goo-sauce. On a walk after this lunch, my partner proclaimed, “My burps taste like gas station.” Which is high praise, depending on what circles you run in. (Never-ending circles.)
Turkey Bacon and Cheese Sous Vide Egg Bites
Jiggly smooth! Radiate these for a few seconds in your magic box, douse in hot sauce, and squish between an English muffin for optimal results. Alternately, stuff your bra with each bite, then enjoy as a snack later in the afternoon during another boring Zoom.
Hot Hot Crispy Habaneros
W
O
W
People love chili crisp, so why not crisp chiles? These are crispy, wispy shreds of fried habanero slices. They are the texture of fried butterfly wings. If you eat one straight, you will feel things ignite behind your eyeballs. They are truly hot. Like right on the tongue, HOT. There’s no slow build here, no nuance of flavors and spices. It’s a little shred of hell. And I love it here. On Instagram, a friend we’ll call “Cousin Tony” conjectured that this is the spiciest product Joe has ever sold, and I agree. Previous hot sauces and ghost pepper-this-and-that did not come close. Try it yourself!
Organic Yellow Taco Shells
Been a WHILE. Been a while. These oily shells must be revived in the oven otherwise you have chewy, stale folded-over tortilla chips on your hands, which are also covered in oil. They’re so oily! But—thoughtful pause— at least they’re organic .
Everything But the Bagel Nut Duo
I’m getting tired of this anti-bagel agenda. And these nuts—rancid from sunflower oil past its prime, dry and dusty, lacking the dried garlic integral to the spice mix—sealed the deal. I want everything AND THE BAGEL, Joe. Enough is enough.
Guara Almonds
TIL Guara almonds are slightly larger than Marcona almonds. They remind me of the “slightly irregular” socks at T.J. Maxx, my second favorite TJ. They’re fancy, but off-brand fancy. And that’s good enough for me, baby. These Guara almonds are buttery, and don’t leave a bitter aftertaste, but they DO leave your fingers glittery with salt. Lick each one and let the salt comingle with the Purell. There’s nothing quite like it.
Grainless Granola
What is granola without oats? Sticky seeds all stuck together. Fantastic! One huge clump will satisfy your mid-afternoon craving for something, anything, whatever’s closest. It did mine!
Spaghetti Cacio e Pepe
It instantaneously congealed on my plate into a mound of gummy worms bound by cacio-e-glue. Baddddd.
Cacio e Pepe AGAIN?!
Rubbery ravioli stuffed with ricotta, parm, and pep. Much better than the frozen spaghetti.
French Onion Macaroni and Cheese
If you miss traveling during this endless pandemic, heat some macaroni and cheese in your oven, eat it directly from the sad little tray, and pretend you’re on a plane. A special edition from Trader Joe’s airline food collection, this slightly oniony baked pasta mush will make you feel full when you’re hungry.
Cuban-Style Citrusy Garlic Seasoning Blend
Inspired by Cuban mojo sauce, which is wet, this is a combination of once wet things that are now dry. Hmm. I want to bathe in tangy-garlicky-sweet-citrus mojo sauce . Not sure what I’m going to do with this mojo-exfoliant. The dehydrated lime zest and lime oil comes on STRONG and puckery, and then the garlic-onion makes itself known, while the dried herbs cheer from the stands. Sprinkle it on things you will cook over fire, report back on how it went!
Za’atar
There’s chickpea flour in this za’atar that seems to serve as filler, making it a little dustier than the Israeli-style blend I get from the Spice House. The lemon oil, another random addition, is overpowering. There are better za’atars out there, or you could DIY , but I appreciate Trader Joe’s for helping people get one step closer to za’atar fish and chips .
Chewy Chocolate and Peanut Butter Protein Bars
The puffed rice is rice-krispie-crunchie. The protein powder doesn’t give me dry mouth or much definition in my abs. And the chocolate is well distributed. Like wearing bike shorts with no intention to bike, I enjoy the delusions of fitness this cookie bar offers. Yum!
Partake Crunchy Sprinkle Cookies
Notes of nothing, and then oh-a-sprinkle, and then more nothing. Interesting aftertaste of something .
12 Classic Lemon Bars
The number 12 here makes it seem like you’re getting 12 lemon bars. But each lemon “bar” is a perfect square inch. Four of these squares make up one “bar” according to my formula chart from the SAT. And while I did terribly on the math portion of the test, I still made good money tutoring kids in algebra once I got to college. ($10 an hour.) The crust is a little too dry, but the curd is nicely tart.
Avocado Oil Spray
Spritzy!
Spanish Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Once upon a time, Andy Baraghani told me that you should taste olive oil, and if tasting it plain is delicious, it’s good olive oil. Okay, Andy! This cloudy, Spanish olive oil tastes like peppery olives that may have been sitting out in the olive bar for a few weeks.
Suzie’s Real Organic Mayo
Suzie loves the truth. Suzie lives in a reality that is real. Whatever she sees before her is as it is . Plain and simple. Not the nuanced reality the rest of us wallow in, our opinions distorted by a few long captions on Instagram and one memorable episode of Bar Rescue . Suzie, though, is free of this nonsense. She is real mayo. With soybean oil, eggs, egg yolks, lemon juice (from concentrate), and white vinegar. The same ingredients in my beloved Hellmann’s, and yet the flavor is sweeter, tangier, and less eggy. So if this is “real” and Hellmann’s is also “real,” which one is realest? They’re living in two separate realities of their own making. And that is a SHAM. I don’t like it one bit. But I’ll choose mine.
Sesame Crusted Hardwood Smoked Ahi Tuna
A tasty treat!
Oak-Smoked Scottish Salmon
Fantastic!
Greek Chickpeas with Parsley and Cumin
Cumin-forward.
Fire-Roasted Tomatoes
Watery, with occasional flecks of burnt tomato skin.
Calabrese Salami
Whiffs of barnyard. Not very good.
See you next month!
My final 2020 Trader Joe’s reviews complete with Netflix Christmas movie pairings
Fall Trader Joe’s reviews, very maple-y
Pre-pandemic reviews, when the world was growing darker every day
Source : food
Posting Komentar
Posting Komentar